My melancholic affect can betray what I am saying here. I slept last night without a smile and woke up this morning pained by the thought of having to open my eyes and keep them open for the next fourteen hours at least. All the while, knowing that I have to snap out of this limbo. Infact, the one reason I kept away from crying was that there was no water in the tap (water tank cleaning and repairs going on) – and the histrionic drama loving person that I am, I took it as a ‘sign’ that I need to take stock of my lacrimals too. (Now now, given that I am studying ‘personality disorders’ right now, such obsessions with phenomena should make me schizotypal, but I am scarcely the loner. Therefore, histrionics only it will be).
With no sun, and only a dark cloudy sky threatening to pour, I decided to bring back cheer. My first thought inadvertently was the following paragraph that I had drafted sometime in the middle of last year – sort of another ‘sign’ to resume writing in this space (or so I’d like to believe). Here, I take off on my self-indulgent essay of my happiness.
Imagine a pop-quiz. What is the four-letter word that uses the letters c, k? Okay, now honestly what were you thinking?
What is the four-letter word that starts with L? Did you say love? Or life?
I don’t know about you, but until very recently I never really acknowledged the importance of L.U.C.K. in my scheme of things. But the past few months have shown me how important it is to revere it, accord its space as a factor in my life, and treat it almost like I would statistically analyze genetic effects in disorders – ‘in case of common occurrences, it has a small contribution, but a contribution nevertheless (common disorder – small gene effect). In case of ‘special, serendipitous, momentous occasions that we would not otherwise think of or experience or expect, luck has a larger role to play (rare disease – large gene effect, if genetics has a role to play i.e.).
Undeniably, luck is everywhere it can be. At this point, I hark that I have only mentioned a noun ‘luck’ with no reference to its attribute as good or bad. I find it punctuating, that we choose to generally think of luck as being positive and rewarding and have a designated spot for ‘unlucky’ in our dictionaries. Isn’t it then funny that we go on to employ ‘good luck’ and ‘bad luck’ as befits our circumstance?
Speaking from and of personal experience:
I am always apt to flippantly claim luck and especially the lack of it, but never really stop and announce that I had experienced some sheer good luck. If things went well, it was because of my own hard work, God’s grace or my parents/teachers/well-wisher’s blessings and so on. Not once did I stop in my tracks and think that something good came of it because I was in the right place at the right time. Just plain good luck.
More often than not, I am cribbing about bad luck, which is fine. What is not fine is the fact that I miss the larger picture where the spot of bad luck is speck in a canvas coloured by good luck mostly. (Is it weird that when I paint this mentally, I think of the bad-luck-spot as a black or at the most red colour? Haha, someone should talk about well-entrenched prejudices!).
I’ve acknowledged this, and to a large extent my now-husband-then-fiance-or-boyfriend kept sprinkling it between conversations – to be cognizant of all the good luck we have, not just during a bad run, but even when during a small success. I have taken myself up on this – these days as I lose my optimism over putting together my career that I have been trying to put together for over a year now, I look at my husband or a picture of him and say – well, atleast I got something right ! 🙂
So while I struggle to be creative about my life, I remembered the sound of music that I have always enjoyed and a favorite song that my mom taught me about favorite things and about remembering them when I feel bad.
Here’s my list of things that make me happy – The ten things that first come to my mind.
2. The sun, and the pitter patter of the rains.
3. Colours (and therefore watching project runway)
4. Words – reading, writing, listening, talking.
5. Warmth – literal and figurative.
6. A song that makes me loopy enough to play it over and over again through the day
7. Laughter. (Which explains why comedies are usually the movies I prefer watching – any language, with subtitles).
8. My husband. (things can be personalized)
9. My favorite shows – TED talks, Modern Family, The West Wing, American Dad, How I Met Your Mother, Family Guy. In no particular order.
Those were first ten things that came to my mind. Yes, I tweaked it a bit – but what fun is there to life without breaking a rule or two 😉
What’s your list?
P.S. The first news feed on my facebook home page was a friend’s status message – “A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.”
I should have added one more to my list – The Internet. 🙂